The Ultimate Enya Interview:

UEI: Part 1
UEI: Part 2
UEI: Part 3
UEI: Part 4
UEI: Part 5
UEI: Part 6
UEI: Part 7
UEI: Part 9
UEI: Part 10

The Ultimate Enya Interview

Part 8

COT: Enya, you just "raided" all your fans!!!

E: Can't I do that on my birthday? It IS my day, after all.


Reply author: davyd
Replied on: 10 May 2002 03:31:48

E: I wrote them 80-odd songs, some of which are very odd. Take "Eclipse". Please! It's "Dan y dwr" backwards. I wrote a song in a language I don't speak, and Nicky played it backwards. If that's not odd, I don't know what is.

MM: But your fans ....

E: I express myself through my music; that ought to be enough for them. I'm a very busy girl, you know. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs of love and special things. I write the songs that make the young girls cry. I write the songs! I write the songs!!

MM: Everyone wants to know if you'll do music for LOTR II.

E: I told them, not unless I get a lead role.

MM: But there are no lead roles for women in LOTR. Even Arwen is a minor role.

E: Then they'll rewrite it for me. (gets hysterical) I'm the greatest star! I am by far!

MM: Calm down! You're getting hysterical!

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 10 May 2002 14:54:03

E: That's genderism! Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I get hysterical, you imbecile.

MM: PLease calm down, here, take a few red pills.

E: Don't they come in any other colour? I wore red at the Oscars and don't want to be typecast as The Lady in Red.

MM: Were you disappointed that LOTR didn't win more awards?

E: I wasn't paying much attention cause Roma was pulling hard on my leash.

MM: Let's get another email froma deranged fan. This one's from davyd, who wants to know if he can deliver a pizza to Manderley.

E: First, tell him to invest in capital leters, then I might order a pizza: two, in fact, one with anchovies only.

MM: Why anchovies only?

E: That's all the cats eat when it comes to pizza.

MM: OK, Enya, here's one from Saragate...

E: Is she related to Watergate? That's what I originally wanted to call my first album, but Roma and Nicky nixed it. Said it had already been used by some singer named Nixon.

MM: Well, Saragate just wants to know if you are going to have a big birthday bash this day.

E: It'll be a bash all right - Roma's going to be there with her little hatchet. Tell this "Saragate" to bring me a BIG present. I might let her view me from far and away.

MM: Do you always insert song titles into your conversations?

E: Did you know that MM means two thousand in Latin?

MM: Let's take a commercial break here, Enya.

Announcer: Feeling fatigued? Wish Enya would fade away, fade away, fade away? Try "Enyatol" (TM), the liquid energy drink. One cup and you're mad for an entire day. Now back to our program.

MM: Enya, how many products DO you sell?


Reply author: Princess Donegal
Replied on: 12 May 2002 11:44:31

E: I heard it was something like 10,000 CDs a day. Not anything too spectacular.

MM: That's incredible!

E: I know. You would think my fans would show me a little more support, but NO.

MM: And how many albums would you like to sell per day?

E: 12,500,000,001.

MM: Dear, we don't even have that many people on Earth.

E: Then they'd better start reproducing!

MM: But that would offset nature's balance.

E: I'm just trying to surpass that little Gates man, all right? I don't really care. Send me money.

MM: Right. Anyway, today is Mother's Day. Did you remember to call your mommy to say I love you?

E: I call my mommy every night to tell her I love her.

MM: Oh, how sweet! Then you and your mother have a very loving relationship?

E: We do.

MM: Did you buy her something?

E: I bought her the house right next to mine. Now she'll always be within my reach. When I told her the news, she broke down into sobs. She must have been overjoyed.

MM: *rolling her eyes* Yes, I'm sure that's what it was.

E: I'm going to throw her a party. I'm just such a good daughter.

MM: How do you act at parties? Have you ever gotten a little unruly?

E: Well, confidentially, after that third glass of milk I tend to be a bit of a Wild Child if you know what I mean. *nudge, nudge*

MM: Have you ever worn a lampshade n your head?

E: That's very fashionable in Dore.

MM: Do you dance at parties?

E: I love to dance! I always wow the crowd. You should see me salsa.

MM: What about dances like Electric Slide, Macarena, and YMCA?

E: I prefer the Baila del Queso. *singing* Electrica salsa, babababa!

MM: The Cheese Dance?

E: Electrica salsa, babababa...

MM: Hello, Enya?

E: Hello, Mary.

MM: Speaking of songs, have you got a favorite current pop song?

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 13 May 2002 16:27:32

E: Yes, I think it's called "Not a Wild Child but No Woman Either Yet", by some scantily clad singer named after a lethal weapon.

MM: Like Spears?

E: Yes, Britain is conquered by spears!

MM: Hold on, that's in the OTHER interview.

E: Well how about "Crying in Your Beer" by Clan Guinness?

MM: Hm, never heard of it.

E: I just made it up. You see, I don't listen to any other music than MINE and Rachmaninov's.

MM: Sergei?

E: If you say so. I don't speak Martian like you.

MM: Enya, I am not a Martian!

E: Why are there two green antennae poking out of your head?

MM: What (reaching up)?

E: Na na na - made you look!

MM: Enya, we know your physical age, what is your mental age?

E: That was in the half price been too. So I guess I'm a half-wit. Just like my favourite figure skater, Katarina Half-Witt.

MM: You watch figure skating then?

(Thunder crashes in the background, lightening flashes from above, and MM disappears, only to be replaced by Cyanide O'Toole.)

COT: What, where am I?

E: Back with me, MM was need in the OTHER interview.

COT: Oh no, not you again! I was just beginning to like Roma.

E: But you like ME better, right (eyes flashing)

COT: Of course I do. And I like my new car too, thank you. So shall we resume?

E: I don't do resumes anymore - I'm very famous.

COT: Not resumes, we need to get on with the interview!

E: Shouldn't you take a few of these little red pills?

COT: Why?

 

Reply author: Princess Donegal
Replied on: 16 May 2002 02:58:23

E: They make it so that your head doesn't explode.

COT: I think that could be accomplished by ending this interview.

E: I wouldn't count on it. I'm going to haunt you from now on.

COT: Then I'll move to the mountains of Tibet.

E: "Wherever you will go, I will go. Wherever you will turn, I'll follow so." I stole that one from Maire.

COT: Thief!

E: Yes, and I'm also filthy rich, so there really isn't anything you can do about it.

COT: That's enough of that, Enya. I'll not have your idle threats. So, I hear you received a package today?

E: Well, Nicky received it.

COT: But wasn't it addressed to you?

E: Yes, but I always make him sort though all my mail, just in case. I'm too young and beautiful to have anything happen to me.

COT: So you're willing to sacrifice Nicky?

E: Yep.

COT: What about Roma? Isn't she concerned for her husband's safety?

E: You wouldn't think so if you saw the way she threw things at him.

COT: What was it like living with them for all those years?

E: We managed.

COT: What is that supposed to mean?

E: We wanted to kill each other on a daily basis.

COT: And why is that?

E: It all started with Missy.

COT: Who?

E: The Ryan family cat.

COT: Oh. Enough said. So it was your fault that you didn't get along?

E: Look, all I ever did was eat cats. Roma's the one who put us over the edge with all that violence. It got to the point where I had to put deadbolts on my bedroom door when she was in a bad mood!

COT: That's terrible? How can Nicky stand it?

E: With full body armor.

COT: So anyway, back to this package. What was it?

E: It read: "Do not open until May 17th!" So I haven't opened it, good little girl that I am.

COT: You really are curious.

E: Not really. It's not like I don't know what it is.

COT: What is it?

E: Tales From Etty's Attic, my birthday book. At least they tried to keep it quiet last year, but this year, it's been pretty public.

COT: Oh, what a shame! So you know about your birthday present?

E: Know? I participated! I've got a few entries in that book, myself.

COT: But how did you manage...?

E: I'm a sneaky little thing, aren't I? You should hear my submission! It's just so heartwarming! I'm really the best fan I've ever had.

COT: That's humility for you.

E: Which reminds me, send me money.

COT: What has humility got to do with sending you money?

E: I don't know. Send me money anyway...

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 16 May 2002 03:08:32

COT: Do you have any regrets at 41?

E: Only one - that I consented to this interminable interview. I could have written two bars of a new song by now. Or I could have finally moved into my castle!

COT: Have you purchased period furniture for the castle?

E: I'm not sure what period I'm in. What century IS it, anyway?

COT: Maybe someone should have sent you a calendar for your birthday?

E: Well, I do have a magic watch that gives me the time, the date, the year, the weather, the addresses of my netty fans, the temperature in Sydney, the phase of the moon, the number of sun spots

COT: OK, already, I'll just give you MY present, right here and now.

(COT picks up a large box and gives it to Enya.)

E: Why, how sweet, I thought you hated me all this time!

COT: You'll see how much I love you when you open this.

E: Is something ticking?

COT: No, dear, that's just your magic watch. Open the box, please?

E: Maybe I should give it to Nicky first?

COT: Can't, dear, he's watching the OTHER interview.

E: Ok, here goes.

Enya opens the box to discover....

 

Reply author: dom
Replied on: 17 May 2002 00:54:43

...a portrait of herself in Elizabethan costume minus the ultra pale make-up of Elizabeth the First!

E: This is an excellent suggestion.

COT: It looks like a painted suggestion.

E: I mean ..it's a great suggestion for my next video.

COT: You're going to do the Battle of the Armada?

E: I am going to have lace collars !

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 17 May 2002 15:43:15

COT: Wait, don't put the box down - there's a little can in there. See it?

E: Oh yes, I can see the can, can't I?

COT: Sure you can! Can you open the can?

E: This sounds like see Jane run.... ok, I'll open it. Can I use my teeth?

COT: Sure, where once you had fillings, now you can afford gold.

E: Oh look, there are very tiny creatures in the can! And they are jumping up and down!!

COT: Yes, dear, we have miniaturized all your fans and put them into this can so they can all wish you Happy Birthday.

E: Well,...

Enya takes a spray bottle out of her purse and sprays the fans in the can...

E: It's just that they look so much like fleas, and my cats are so sensitive.

COT: Enya, you just "raided" all your fans!!!

E: Can't I do that on my birthday? It IS my day, after all.

COT: But what about these expiring fans in the can?

E: Did they have a best before date?

COT: They BOUGHT all your CDs and made you rich! Now what will you do?

 

Reply author: Elannor
Replied on: 18 May 2002 02:19:46

E: What will I do?

COT: Yes, what will you do?

E: What will I do?

COT: How many times do I need to ask you?

E: As many times as I command, Cyanide!

COT: Since when? Those were your dear, lovely, sweet and precious fans!

E: Since when?

COT: Stop mocking me. I hate it when people do that.

E: Since when?

COT: STOP IT!

E: Stop what?

COT: Whatever you're doing?

E: I'll just have to take some fairy dust and sprinkle it on my dear, lovely, sweet and precious fans! That'll put them in a slumber for a hundred years and I won't be bothered.

COT: By then, you'll be passed away, my dear.

E: I am immortal. Forever. No one is like me. I will forever be alive.

COT: (raising hands in exasperation) Then we're all in big trouble.

E: What did you say, Cyanide? The spray I sprayed on my fans is making them scream and my ears are very sensitive you know.

COT: If your ears are so sensitive, why are you a musician?

E: I'm not. Where did you get that crazy idea?

COT: Just do something, Enya, please. My heart is grieving for those poor people you have just insulted.

E: I never insult. I'm very polite, even to you, a nasty interviewer.

COT: Ha! What a joke.

E: (sobbing) Oh, Cyanide, I thought we were friends!!! (Suddenly brightens) My cats are my friends, until I eat them.

COT: What will we ever do....with you?

E: How can I keep from eating....cats!

COT: Look, Enya, why won't you help your fans?

E: Shh. I'm thinking.

COT: Come on!

E: (Stands up) I need to sing a song.

COT: ENYA! Your fans?

E: Who cares? At least they're quieting down now.(begins to sing)

My life goes on in endless eating

above earth's dullness

I hear the real, though close, sound

of cats meowing

Through all the cutting and the chewing

I hear it's .....

 

COT: ENOUGH! I've had ENOUGH. (Plugs ears)

E: Isn't it lovely? Such a sweet tune. I made the lyrics up too, Roma couldn't possibly match it. She's insignificant compared to me.

COT: Enough.

E: Enough? Enough what, dear Cyanide?

COT: Enough of this!

E: This what?

COT: YOU!

E: Me? I think I'll get that fairy dust now. (Rummages through huge purse...finding a tiny vial filled with a gold dust)

COT: Think carefully of what you're doing, do!

E: They're going to sleep now.

COT: Wait...!

E: It will make them quiet for years upon years. No more enya forum, no more idle prattling, no more fan letters....

COT: Enya, don't do this. Who'll buy your cd's?

E: Me!!! I'm the one who buys at least 1 million of them; you see, how could I reach such heights without my contribution? While I'm at it, I think I'll sprinkle some on you too.

COT: Why would you do that? You could be prosecuted for this, you know!

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 18 May 2002 18:01:59

E: Oh my, I seem to be low on fairy dust; maybe I'll just use it on that DOM net-thing. No, better save it for Roma or Nicky - they can be very tiresome.

COT: Speaking of tiresome...

E: Is that you new car out there? It has a flat tiresome, I think.

COT: Yes, it's my new PT Cruiser. The producer just gave it to me for enduring this hellish interview so long; and no, the tires are NOT flat.

E: They are now - I just sucked the air out of them with my new invention: the Enya Air Extractor (TM).

COT: What kind of an invention is that?

E: Well, I figure if I take the air out, you can pay me to put it back in, and I will have even more euros. I put the air in using my new Enya Air-Blower (TM), not to be confused with my Enya Hair-Blower (TM)

COT: How about taking another question from a fan?

E: I have a Chinese fan - it's great on a hot day.

COT: Not that kind of fan, dumbo!

E: Are you calling me an elephant, or what?

COT: What?

E: What?

COT: Oh well, here's a question from someone called Rudders: it wants to invite you to a new pub. You can even have tea if you prefer.

E: Rudders? Is that a boat? I once met a fellow named Rudders, and he left his oar in my moat. Very annoying to the crocodiles.

COT: You have a moat with crocodiles at Manderley?

 

Reply author: dom
Replied on: 18 May 2002 22:32:17

E: Just a few and (searching in her purse) here's a picture of Whatta Croc. My head crocodile of Manderley Moat!

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 19 May 2002 17:09:30

COT: My, what big teeth they have!

E: The better to eat you with.

COT: Enya, do you like fairy tales, like the Grimm brothers?

E: My brothers are NOT that grim - watch your tongue or I'll feed it to the crocs.

COT: How is Bart now that he's married?

E: He's in Viagra Falls, Canada, with his new wife.

COT: Don't you mean Niagra Falls?

E: No, I mean what I said, and I said what I meant!

COT: OK, Enya, how about another fan email ?

E: Aren't they all sprayed?

COT: Not all, here's one from the newly deposed Princess of Donegal; her former royal highness writes: Dear Enya, when will you come to visit me?

 

Reply author: Princess Donegal
Replied on: 19 May 2002 17:55:33

E: Tell that little twit to stop emailing me!

COT: But Enya, she's such a loyal fan!

E: Ha! She's on to me. She knows.

COT: Knows what?

E: I can't tell you, Cyanide.

COT: Please?

E: No.

COT: Why not?

E: Because I'm Enya and I said so.

COT: Don't dangle the carrot in front of my face and snatch it away!

E: Consider the carrot snatched.

COT: What is it with you and the mind games, Enya?

E: Mind games? I don't know what you're talking about.

COT: What does Princess Donegal know?

E: I will never tell!

COT: Whisper it in my ear. Then I'll send you money.

E: Oh, very well. *whisper* Bartley got a cat as a wedding persent, and I ate it.

COT: But I thought it was something exciting!

E: It was exciting! I had to sneak it around back so no one would see! I felt like 007!

COT: That's horrible!

E: But very, very tasty.

COT: So how did Princess Donegal find out that you ate your brother's cat?

E: She saw me do it. I had no idea they invited her to the wedding, too.

COT: What did she say when she saw you eating the cat?

E: She covered her eyes and asked, "Why, why?"

COT: Did you traumatize her?

E: It wouldn't be the first time.

COT: That's enough. I don't want to know what else you may have done to the poor girl.

E: *evil smile* She has two cats. Or, should I say, she had two cats.

COT: Once again, I'd like to encourage you to seek professional help.

E: You don't know the half of it!

COT: I know you've got half a mind.

E: Oh no, I've actually got a whole one. I borrow half from someone else. Two halves make a whole.

COT: And who lends you half their brain?

E: Just a friend. He's the smart one, and I'm cunning and devilish. Together, we make quite a pair.

COT: Is he lending you his brain at the moment?

E: No, what you're seeing is all me.

COT: Somehow, I'm not surprised.

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 20 May 2002 05:03:12

AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: No animals were harmed in the making of this

interview. Now back to Cyanide.

COT: Enya, have you seen a psychiatrist lately?

E: No, but I have seen a ventriloquist. He had a talking dummy just like you.

COT: No need to get personal, you nutcase. I was referring to a head doctor!

E: Do I have a head?

COT: Yes, but it is obvious that no one is home at the moment.

E: Oh no, Baba is home, and Daddy is home, and..

COT: I am referring to your state of mind!

E: Is that a state in the US? I don't know the names of them all. Just a few, like New Yorik, Bossetown, Upper Gweedore,

COT: Enya, did you ever take geography?

E: Cyanide, I do NOT do drugs!! How awful to suggest such a thing.

COT: Geography is the study of the nations of the earth. You have heard of that surely.

E: Of course, I own earth, as I already told you earlier.

COT: And the other planets too, of course. I still think you are an alien being.

E: Alien? Did it send you an email for me too?

COT: Well, there is an email from an alien; it asks if you would take a rocket to the moon and meet it.

 

Reply author: dom
Replied on: 20 May 2002 11:38:02

E: That would be a waste of precious fuel.As you're well aware of we are running out of fossils to fuel us to Kingdom come!

COT: Are you saying you won't make the moon trip?

E: The moon waxes and wanes BUT NEVER trips! I'm sure YOUR geography lessons teach you that!

COT: Of course..now you're making sense...

E: Of course..I regularly pinch myself !

COT: You're still NOT going to meet with the Alien thing...

E: Ha..why should I go to the moon? It comes to moi!

COT: Don't tell me you sent the moon to Enya Obedience Classes?

E: I command the Shepherd of the Moons to bring it to me!

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 20 May 2002 23:41:45

COT: And I suppose you gave memory to the trees, too?

E: Every tree loves me, and I have never seen a tree as lovely as me. Every Watermark worships me too. Did I mention how humble I am?

COT: I think so.

E: I was lying.

COT: Enya, do you ever go to the movies?

E: Well, once in a while. I did watch Lord of the Rings, but only the final minutes.

COT: Because they played May It Be?

E: No, because that's when I finally finished my super-sized bag of popcorn. It was extra buttered, too. I love butter almost as much as my cats.

COT: Enya, has any great thinker had an impact on your life?

E: Beides Roma?

COT: Yes, and besides Nicky, Baba, Leo, and the rest.

E: Well, I was fascinated by Stephen Hawkings' Brief History of Time.

COT: You actually READ that?

E: Briefly, then I got the Coles Notes verion for Dummies.

COT: Did you understand string theory?

E: I would never wear such a thing! I'm very modest.

COT: I was referring to the origin of the universe, Enya!

E: Don't they make movies, you know, like Universal?

COT: Enya, where did life come from?

 

Reply author: dom
Replied on: 21 May 2002 08:45:45

E: On a day without rain..God found that things got too quiet so He decided to pour some rain. Then he breathed some air into it all. That's why water and air are essential to Life! The big guy up there caused it to be.When he said.."May it be" he wasn't kidding!

COT: Why is there so much confusion in this world?

E: People haven't been paying attention to themselves. When they 're walking into the streets while the traffic lights turn green as their personal stereos play horrible horrible electronica sampled dance music and strange accents blasting over the backbeat by speakers who talk like Jar Jar Binks of Star Wars Episode One.

COT: Enya do you have anything against sampled music and electronica and Jar Jar Binks?

E: Yes..I have a few of Roma's hatchets aimed at electronica and sampled music. I'm sure you know what we did to The Fugees!! I said I was going to have a lawsuit at them and they came to me like a bunch of Refugees! Jar Jar Binks..well I could use him as a supplement to my feline diet!

COT: Enya ..is there anything extraordinary that you've done. I know you do bizarre things such as eating cats and putting up with Nicky and Roma but is there anything extraordinary that you do?

E: That's easy. I stick 'extra' next to ordinary!

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 21 May 2002 22:30:27

COT: But you are surely NOT ordinary! You own the universe and rule millions of earthings who worship you. What else can there be?

E: Well, I really want to star in my own Star Trek series.

COT: StarTrek?

E: Yes, I'm the natural successor to Kirk, Picard, Janeway and the new what's his name guy. I can shout "Make it So," and I think I'll even write a song with that title.

COT: So, you want to be a TV star?

E: Who doesn't? You get your own trailer, make-up person, hair-stylist, and even more.

COT: But can you act?

E: As well as you can interview!

COT: Hmmm.. have you ever acted?

E: In school plays I was often a spear bearer. Once I played a sheep in the Christmas pagent. Then I played a wall in Waiting for Godot. I even did some Shakespeare.

COT: Which play?

E: As I Like It.

COT: Don't you mean As You Like It?

E: No, it was about Me! I acted just as I like it.

COT: Ok, Enya, let's take another email from a frenzied fan. Here's one from someone called Herman.

 

Reply author: dom
Replied on: 22 May 2002 07:11:45

We interrupt the programme to apologize to viewers for the shaky reception on their screens. You see our in-house cameraman is laughing so hard that the camera set became jerky. I know viewers are asking why can't we just get another cameraman ! We cannot simply because he's oneofakind. If you want twoofakind please visit the Cloning Research Institute!

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 23 May 2002 05:56:48

COT: Sorry about that interruption, dear viewers. Our cloned cameraperson is now back on duty. Let's take it away with....ENYA!

COT: Now, where were we?

E: Here. But then, Anywhere Is, so where we are at any time is a complexmetaphysical question, worthy of being addressed by Stephen Hawkings. I must return his phone call when I'm not so busy.

COT: I mean in this interview! We were talking about something when our cameraperson de-cloned and left us in the dark.

E: Oh, there was an email from one of my devoted followers?

COT: Well Herman has apparently disappeared, so let's take a message from someone called Ebony. Ebony asks: "Why can't we all live in your castle?"

E: There are only 7 bathrooms, Ebony, and I need 6 of them for the cats.Say, don't I know someone called Ebony, or Ivory, or something like that?

COT: Ryan?

E: NO, I am NOT lying - I tell the truth: my cats need their potty rooms.

COT: Enya, some would say that you are a bit potty you know.

E: Moi? Le reine de Eire? Let them eat Donegal porridge!! I am as sane as my fans.

COT: Really? That would explain a lot. Enya, let's tackle a really difficult topic.

E: The origin of the Universe was too simple?

COT: Yes, so tell me, Enya, WHAT is your SECRET?

 

Reply author: dom
Replied on: 23 May 2002 15:09:44

E: I can only tell you a third of it, the other two thirds come from Nicky and Roma.

COT: I'm sure our viewers would willingly beg, borrow, steal and auction your ONE THIRD of the secret.

E: Since you asked, the answer is in the question.

COT: What do you mean? I never said anything about your gazing crystal balls, or dancing beneath the moon or eating cat stew , Donegal Porridge seasoned with Londonderry Air....

E: Cyanide...you talk way too much!This is MY interview.I do the talking!

COT: Spill it then.

E: Mammy wouldn't like that. We never spill our Donegal porridge.That's as good as sacrilege.

COT: What is your SECRET??

E: CERTES.

COT: Secret!

E: Certes!

COT: You heard me!

E: You heard me!

COT: Enya, this is not one of your recording sessions.

E: Certes. Or do you want a few of Roma's sesterces?

COT: I was hoping that we won't have to involve the Roman Empire in this.

 

Reply author: Princess Donegal
Replied on: 24 May 2002 03:22:15

E: Roman Empire? They're a bunch of fools! I'm using them to further my plans of world domination.

COT: I'm afraid I don't follow.

E: Good, because I'd have to throw you in prison if you betrayed me to follow the Romans.

COT: But how are you using them to take over the world?

E: Simple. I let them conquer the world, and then I conquer them.

COT: How are you going to conquer the Roman Empire?

E: I'll probably just use the Gates Strategy. I'll offer them an undisclosed sum and they'll fall at my feet in servitude. That's usually how it works.

COT: But Romans are full of honor and glory! Surely they wouldn't sell out for money!

E: You'd be surprised. Taxes are going up this year - do you know how much property tax Caesar has to pay?

COT: But he's Caesar...who is he paying taxes to?

E: Me.

COT: But you haven't taken over the world yet, so why would Caesar be paying you taxes?

E: Look at this face, Cyanide. I'm adorable. Who wouldn't pay me taxes? People send me money of their own free will.

COT: I would never send you money.

E: But I'm adorable! Don't you think I'm adorable?

COT: You're only adorable when you're not blowing up my car.

E: Wouldn't it be funny if I missed and struck you instead?

COT: Not really. Now back to the interview! Stop getting me off track! Let's take another one of those emails... This one here comes from little 8 year old Suzie Brown from Vermont. She writes, "Dear Enya, where do babies come from?"

E: I forgot. Next question.

COT: Answer, please.

E: I don't know. Mammy wouldn't tell me.

COT: Oh come now, you're 41! You must know about the birds and the bees!

E: Birds and bees make babies!?

COT: No. Come on, Enya, haven't you got any guesses?

E: I've always believed that God has a Baby Workshop in Heaven where he makes all the babies. Then he gives them to the angels and they deliver them to Earth. Kind of like Santa!

COT: How do you get the angels to deliver you a baby?

E: I would assume there's a sign up sheet.

COT: So you leave your name and address on the paper and God sends you a baby?

E: Babies are in very high demand, you know. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a waiting list.

COT: Have you ever had the urge to sign the sheet?

E: I signed a sheet once, but I think it might have been the wrong one. I never received a baby, but I did get one of those barbecue machines you see on TV.

COT: Enya, you're the only person I know who would sign up for a baby and get a barbecue.

E: It could have happened to anyone.

 

Reply author: kerrykait
Replied on: 24 May 2002 05:54:41

ANNOUNCER: Order your own baby barbeque NOW and get a special sauce. We won't give you its secret ingredients. Now back to our very own poison, Cyanide, who makes Anne Robinson look smart.

COT: Welcome back. Now, Enya, have you hurt your head lately?

E: Yes, in fact, and I had to have a CAT scan. They grabbed Mush Mush and waved her over my head. She was so terrified she...

COT: Excuse me, but let's omit any graphic details. Get back to your head.

E: Isn't it attached to my shoulders? It was this morning.

COT: Is your brain normal?

E: I have 500 brains; is that normal?

COT: 500 brains! What on earth for?

E: So each one can hum the layerings on my songs; one brain would just take way too long.

COT: But where did you get 500 brains?

E: Wal-Mart. They were cheap and a nice lady in a blue vest greeted me.

COT: Do you always shop at Wal-Mart?

E: Yes, except for the necklace I wore at the Oscars - I got that at K-Mart.

COT: Don't people recognize you at these stores?

E: No, I was in disguise, a very subtle one.

COT: Disguished as ?

E: Xena, Warrior Princess, and Roma came as Gabrielle. We were very inconspicuous.

COT: I'll bet. What did Nicky dress as?

 

Reply author: dom
Replied on: 24 May 2002 13:15:10

E: He came as bicep rippling, muscle ripping HERCULES!

COT: You must've made quite a trio!

E: We are a trio! I forgot..Mush Mush came as a She-Wolf.

COT: Why as a she-wolf?

E: Roma wanted a Roman theme...you know..the she-wolf who nursed Remus and Romulus!

COT: Did people pay attention to the lot of you?

E: They liked us so much and paid us so much attention, we shopped for free!

COT: Don't be ridiculous!

E: Honest. The people paid us with so much attention that the money they threw out covered all our shopping bills with some extras to take care of our air fare and hotel bills!